Brand Republic, 27 August 02 http://www.brandrepublic.com/article/156027/uk-dont

New York, NY, USA:

America is the nipple. The UK is the sucker. But the nipple is foul…

America is a media monster. It exports more impressions that any other nation on earth. Therefore it has the greatest influence. This is the nipple. Meanwhile, the UK does the smart thing. It remains second in command of the free world by sticking close to America without becoming America. It does what it has to, which sometimes means doing things it really doesn’t want to [war with Iraq]. This is the sucker.

What America has done with its media power is shameful. This is what we need to talk about. Today you debate whether or not to open your market to outside [read American] media investments. Depending on what you decide this could be a dramatic turn in your nation’s history.

Last week, a report coming out of your Government analyzing the situation, was entitled “The Future of Broadcasting”. Your future is looking very American. That’s a problem.

Foul Nipple
If you open your media to American consolidation a few things are sure to happen:

Your appearance will change. Physically, you’ll look different. New TV channels will come so fast it’ll take Hagen-Daz to scroll through them with your remote control. You’ll gain weight. Before you know it, your nation will become obese.

With access to so much information, you’ll monger for it as if it were currency. Parading knowledge will be the new way to showboat. As for status, it will be determined by who has what information. People will think they know everything. And with so much contradicting going on, conversations will become ego matches.

Those who don’t get enough information [as well as those who have too much] will have anxiety problems. Some, not genetically suited for this type of economy, will gain serious attention deficit disorders, which will affect their metabolism, their memory and their overall happiness.

It’s an odd culture, this information based one.

Oh yes.  Your disc jockey’s will talk faster to fit in more ads, you’ll receive 3 times the emails you’re getting now and marketing will become contextual, meaning, you won’t see the difference between what’s real and what is sales.

Having fun yet?

“There’s Nothing On” will become the complaint of the century. Yet television will replace crickets as the noise you fall asleep to. If the TV is always on and everyone relies on it you are no longer citizens – you’re all potential customers. If you become an impression, known only for your household income, this is when ratings will begin to rule your life.

At this point, pop culture loses its edge. Once it extends out and touches everything, it blurs. Art becomes uncontroversial and predictable. Entertainment is rarely challenging. You learn to need mindless TV because it takes away your stress.

So we can see that if the UK opens its media to American investment broadcasting will become not only homogenous, but also excessive.

The Situation
I’m an ex-communications executive who decided to write a television show. I had what “regular” people were calling a progressive television idea. I quickly found out that America doesn’t buy progressive unless it’s been tested first, so I took my idea to Europe.

Pitching it there for the last few months, I’ve had the opportunity to meet many broadcasters, agents and producers. I’m sorry to say that looks as if you are headed down the American road already.

My idea was that reality television needed to evolve. I can make this claim for two reasons. One, reality TV, as it stands now, is completely meaningless. Two, reality television, given the fact that it studies and analyzes human behavior, is in a perfect position to improve our lives.

I failed to communicate to the powers that be in Europe that progressive was saleable. The different ways in which they said no were almost too funny. Some said people they didn’t want progressive – that people are happy with their television. I had research to prove otherwise, but they insisted. “Too smart”, I actually heard the words too smart.  Of course they weren’t complimenting me; what they were doing was insulting target audiences everywhere.

I did meet with one completely honest executive who gave me the real reason why I’d never sell this in Europe.  Broadcasters have bought up so much meaningless reality television already there’s no room to evolve the genre. It would have to remain this way until people stopped watching, he said.  So I said, they won’t stop watching unless something else is on.  He then used the word “sadly”.

[One might argue here that this is the reason why the UK should open its markets – more choice, more room for “progressive” shows. But Beware – this is what they’ll tell you just to get in the door.]

What was most interesting about my experience was the hypocrisy of European media. Europe constantly condemns and criticizes America culture, calling us heathens and commercially obese. Yet it’s doing the same thing.  The UK, like America, is producing lowest common denominator stuff, because they think people want lowest common denominator things. It no longer takes risks. Those in charge insist their audience is stupid but doesn’t give them the opportunity to become smart.  This is not what the world expects from the UK.

I worry about the Future of Broadcasting in the UK. I worry because Lord Currie of Marylebone, your newly named Ofcom chairman, is a former Business School dean [What do you think he’ll do to make money.]. I worry because I read this from your Minister of Culture: “Under this government, Britain is open for business…”

If the UK and the rest of Europe don’t regenerate media, who will.

America doesn’t make things anymore. We just show it. Just as Elvis Presley did with soul music, we’re doing with your media and trends. You create it. We take it. Then air it. We’re the curator, you’re the artist.

The UK media model – as it stands now – works and is recommended. For your sanity – and our enjoyment.